Overcoming fear of any sort is such an accomplishment, especially when it comes to letting go of a relationship that doesn’t work anymore.
I’ve had this one particular person (for privacy sake I will not reveal any names) in my life for as long as I can remember. So long that I think we danced with the dinosaurs (or ran screaming from them )
Recently, I’ve had some awareness surrounding this friendship: I felt like there wasn’t an equal amount of energy going back and forth & I felt that I was putting in so much effort and getting little to almost nothing back. It was frustrating, hurtful, and at times angering. At every corner I felt so much rejection, which in itself was a huge trigger for me.
I could feel myself energetically grasping at this person. I got to a point where I just wanted anything from her, to show that she cared about me and loved me, but this time never came, and I started to find it hard to breathe.
I was angry- No I was downright pissed off! How dare this person give nothing to this relationship when I’ve done nothing but nurture it and go out of my way to make sure she was always happy! I felt completely taken advantage of-I would always sacrifice myself, or my own happiness for her. Sound familiar?
When I really thought about it, I wasn’t mad at her, I was mad at myself. How dare I put someone else first and then just hand over my power when it didn’t work out the way that I wanted it too? UGH! How much longer was I willing to put myself through this?
I realized with this awareness that something had to change. This relationship wasn’t working for me, and I knew that I had to let this friendship go, but that struck such fear in me. What would my life look like without her in it? I’ve only known my life with her in it.
The fear of NOT having this person in my life made it even harder to breathe. The fear was settling inside every part of me, gripping at me, just as fog settles into ever crack it can occupy.
After having a much needed coaching session of my own (Thanks AC!) it became very clear to me that I had to ‘let this friendship go’. As soon as I realized this was the best thing for me, I could feel the fog lifting and my lungs starting to expand with each breath.
This is how letting go of this friendship looked to me: I went out into our backyard where the sun was shining and birds were singing. I took a small piece of my Palo Santo Wood and I lit it on fire, and then I blew the flame out.
I allowed the smoke to smoulder towards the sky, and with it, I allowed all of my anger, sadness, hurt, frustration to go. I asked that the smoke take the friendship away and let it be what it needed to be.
It was time to surrender my fear of what life would be without my friend in it.
I took some deep breathes, I felt lighter, more at peace. Just as I opened my eyes a dragonfly flew right next to me. It was a definite confirmation for me. I love dragonflies as they’re so symbolic. This was the Universe saying- You did it and now everything will be ok.
I have learned a very valuable lesson that I won’t be forgetting anytime soon: there is no need for fear, for fear is what kept me stuck in the viscous cycle of self destruction.
I was able to overcome the fear of letting go. I was able to breath.
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore, founder of Path of Tranquility Life Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide.