As a coach, I specialize in helping my clients figure out what their core limiting beliefs are so that they can see how these belief’s impede on their personal growth and happiness.
But what about the limiting beliefs that aren’t so ‘core’?
During the holidays I went through something that made me realize I was experiencing a certain limiting belief and wasn’t aware of it at first- until I started to ask myself questions. Then it jumped up and smacked me in the face until I was over my head in its quick sand.
I know what my ‘core’ limiting beliefs are and this wasn’t one of them. It made me see that limiting beliefs come in all shapes and sizes, not just the big dark ones that can haunt you in your dreams. Even the smallest of limiting beliefs can hold you back in any given moment. Sometimes the smaller they are the harder they are to identify.
Before I share my story with you I have to ask you a favor: as you read this, I ask for you to please create a sacred space for me, as what I’m about to tell you is close to my heart and I will be baring my soul. It speaks of a time of grief that I didn’t think I would ever make public.
Even as I’m typing this I’m not 100% sure that I’ll publish this post, but if you’re reading this, then, I guess I gained the courage to hit the ‘post’ button.
In early October 2013, just 5 short weeks after my wedding, my Father-In-Law passed away. I won’t go into specifics, but I will tell you that no matter how much we thought we were prepared for it- it was devastating on many levels.
I know that there are stages in the grieving process but I can honestly say that at any given moment I had no idea which stage I was in. Just when I thought I was doing ‘fine’ something unexpected would happen and I would find myself sobbing at the loss of a wonderful man, which made me realize perhaps I was in the stage of denial for a bit.
So, where do the limiting beliefs come in you’re asking? Well, it hit me that during the Christmas season something was a bit ‘off’. My ‘normal’ way of existing and being through the holiday season comes with so much excitement that I would almost pee my pants! I know- I’m 36 years old and I still can’t wait to see what Santa has left under the tree with my name on it.
I love the celebrating (and not just because it involves lots of wine) but because I love my people: I love my friends, family and clients so much all year round, but add the love that’s amplified with the Christmas season and I could burst!
However, this year it changed slightly when the first person to wish me a Merry Christmas left me feeling a tad empty. My instinct was to turtle within and hide from all of the festivities, especially if I had to FEEL something. I couldn’t understand what was happening because usually I’m vomiting Christmas everywhere and this year the holiday season made me want to vomit. Ok- that’s maybe a bit dramatic, but you get what I’m saying?!
I knew that my grief was hiding underneath my smiles and Merry Christmas’s to others. I tried to focus on all of the good things going on- all of the festivities and yummy baking! It seemed that the more I faked it- the worse my emptiness grew.
In my coaching programs I teach my clients about the Law of Attraction, to focus on the things that you want to create in your life. I was desperately trying to focus on what I wanted- happiness and celebration, but it wasn’t working because my true inner feelings were that of grief and sadness, and it was inescapable.
I was limiting myself on what my true inner being wanted and needed. My belief was holding me back from feeling what I needed to feel. I just needed to allow myself some moments of sadness here and there. It was okay that my Christmas not be as ‘crazy happy’ from years past. It was ok that there was a bit of peace missing this Christmas.
As soon as I had this realization and said to myself ‘It’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to grieve’ I actually felt lighter! I felt as though a weight had been lifted and I could breathe.
This, in fact, allowed me to enjoy myself during the season of festivities, not because I was faking it but because I honoured what my heart was telling me to do, not what my mind was telling me I ‘should’ be doing and feeling.
There are times when we just need to ‘be’ or ‘sit’ in an emotion in order for us to move forward and my belief was holding me back from experiencing that.
So if you try to move to a different emotion without success, maybe just acknowledge where you’re currently at and be ok with it. This will offer space for movement and allow your feelings to eventually shift.
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore, founder of Path of Tranquility Life Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide.