Our authentic self has so much depth, and yet it’s very rare that we slow down the pace in which we allow it to shine.
Just this morning I was having a conversation with a friend, and we were talking about how we’re always in a hurry. It was quite a deep topic as it wasn’t just about being in a hurry to get from point A to Screen Shot 2015-03-04 at 11.24.12 AMpoint B. Rather we were conversing about how if you’re on the track of self-help or self-transformation the speed in which you want your final destination to come is at warp speed.
It would be great if we could all just snap our fingers and become these enlightened beings, but generally that doesn’t happen.
For myself, I have found that I am always in a rush to be at the end of my personal transformation. If I’m going through a challenging time, I know the ability for self-growth is there, but I want it instantly. I want what I want, and I want it now (insert temper tantrum here).
What I’ve come to understand about myself is that the journey really IS the destination.
Here’s why:
I am a fixer! I am a peacemaker! I don’t like conflict- it makes me super uncomfortable, and I absolutely can’t stand it when others are upset (either at me or someone else). Part of my coping mechanism has been to ‘fix’ situations and help others, so we could all get to the end result: peace (or what I thought was peace). As long as I was feeling comfortable again then all was right with the world.
What I wasn’t taking into consideration was in those moments where I was pushing and pulling to fix a problem, I was totally making decisions that weren’t in alignment with me. I wanted ‘things’ to be back to normal so badly that I would swoop in and fix the problem. I would do this without considering what was best for me, or with what truly aligned with my authentic self.
For example: If I had an argument or disagreement with someone I would immediately figure out how to fix it. My mind would go into overdrive, thoughts being scattered everywhere. All I knew was that I didn’t like how I was feeling. Most times me ‘fixing’ the problem meant I would take most if not all, of the accountability, even if it were not mine to own-this is not authentic in any way. My authentic self was being pushed away by my ego and my need to ‘feel better’.
What I have come to realize is this:
1. When I was ‘fixing’ a problem, I was really just perpetuating the same scenario over and over again. When we do the same things and act the same way- there’s no growth. I wasn’t growing, I was just merely coping.
2. What I thought was growth was nothing of the sort. Growing in those moments now means NOT doing anything! It means sitting in the discomfort of my NOT fixing. It means not reacting, but breathing, and taking time to question what is really authentic to me. What actions are the most harmless to myself and others in the situation?
3. When I rush to ‘fix’ a problem, it’s actually kinda’ selfish. I want to repair things just so that I can feel better, even if it means not being authentic to myself, others or the situation.
Just as good tea takes time to steep, sometimes so do we! When we’re in a state of panic, fear, anxiety, we aren’t able to connect with our inner Source. Which means that we’re not balanced, grounded, centred or aligned. And you know what this means right? You aren’t being your authentic self.
Taking our time, not rushing, breathing. Discovering what growth is really authentic in each scenario, in each breath- that’s what real growth is. You can’t rush a good thing.
The journey to a final destination is so precious to me now, that I feel a lot more relaxed in my everyday life. I no longer have the anxiety to make everything ok and to fix in each moment. Learning about pacing myself in challenging situations is a beautiful gift that I have chosen to unwrap,and cherish daily.
Don’t be in such a rush to grow. Give yourself space, time, and breath to find your growth and authentic self. You never know where you might find a gem hiding!
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore-Armstrong, founder of Path of Tranquility Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide. Arianne is also the founder of the Ultimate Belief Breakthrough Method™