Dealing with our emotions has a lot to do with our self-acceptance. A huge part of who we think we are can stem from how we feel.
When we have emotions that are positive: happy, joy, bliss, – we feel good about life, about ourselves and the world around us. When we experience negative emotions we feel troubled, challenged and we can suffer greatly depending on how we approach our emotions. Having negative emotions can bring out a lot of self-judgment and self-criticism.Screen Shot 2015-05-13 at 3.04.05 PM
My observations as a coach mixed with my own life experiences are that we tend to judge our emotions. We label it as good or bad, right or wrong. When we label something as being wrong or bad, we’re in judgment and also denying that part of us.
If you’re feeling sad about something – that’s all it is – a feeling. Denying it is saying I will not allow myself to be a part of this, and shutting down any acceptance of Self at that moment. Full self-acceptance is being able to embrace every part of you, feelings and all (yes, even the shitty ones).
See if my story resonates with you: I used to deny feelings of anger, sadness and especially feelings of shame. I wouldn’t want to feel them because they were uncomfortable, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
So, I judged them as being wrong and therefore judged myself as being wrong whenever I felt them.
This would then start a vicious cycle of negative thoughts towards myself. ‘UGH, why are you so negative- why can’t you be more positive. You don’t deserve happiness because you’re so angry, What’s wrong with you? Thank God nobody is in your head or they’d think you’re nuts!’
I would then numb out because I didn’t want to be wrong about anything, and I didn’t want to feel bad about myself. And what happens when you numb out? You don’t have the ability to feel happiness, joy, comfort, bliss. For years, I was a walking zombie, trying to sift through life’s crap while lacking full self-acceptance because I was denied my own emotions.
What I learned was my emotions didn’t make-up 100% of who Arianne was. My emotions were just a small part of me- an experience. Some days I would sit in the emotion of sadness, knowing happiness was just sitting on another branch that I would soon get to visit. I would do my best to fully embrace my sadness instead of pushing it away or numbing out. Once I started to accept my emotions, I was able to step into a deeper level of self-acceptance.
Here are 3 steps to fully step into self-acceptance and emotions.
1. Be An Observer- Ask yourself ‘what am I feeling right now?’ And then notice how you react to the emotion. Do you sink deeper into depths of despair? Do you get fired up in anger? Do you self- criticize or judge? Be aware of your reaction to your emotion.
2. Breathe It In- take a breath and remind yourself that you are not anger, judgment, shame, etc. These are just emotions that you are experiencing, and are there for a reason. Accepting them can bring more awareness about them. You might even want to be curious as to why you’re feeling it.
3. Be With Grace- ask yourself how you can meet this emotion with grace. How can you be gentle and understanding with your Self? When we can meet our Self with gentle hands and a soft heart, it opens up a whole new world. Wouldn’t you rather meet someone on the street who is soft, gentle and willing to hold their hand to you for guidance? Or someone who is guarded and shut down, and full of judgment? You have the ability to allow grace unfold inside you within each moment, each breath, awareness and within each emotion.
Accepting your emotions, the good and the bad, as a friend passing through- knowing that when the time is right you can shake hands and say goodbye is embracing full self-acceptance. And that is a truly beautiful thing my friends.
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore-Armstrong, founder of Path of Tranquility Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide. Arianne is also the founder of the Ultimate Belief Breakthrough Method™