Over the years of researching authenticity, I have found it comes in many layers. Finding and unraveling my authentic Self to help others has been a never ending and interesting journey.
Recently life has thrown me a bit of a curve ball. I have faced a devastation that I didn’t expect, and it totally turned my whole world upside down. I have questioned every aspect of my life: my beliefs, my spirituality, my relationships. I have questioned my actions and my choices.Screen Shot 2015-07-15 at 10.37.59 AM
My grief ran deep, and I relied heavily on my support system to get me through each day and at times each moment. To this day I still do, because let’s face it- grief doesn’t have a timeline, and can hit you at any moment.
One thing I promised myself at the beginning of this heartache was that I wanted to be as authentic as I could as I traveled this journey. I wanted to be authentic in my interactions, my tears, my sorrow, my truth- I wanted to heal. To accomplish this I knew I’d have to face some of my own demons, but the result would be meeting all parts of myself that I’ve not had the pleasure of experiencing before.
So, here’s something that made me sit up a little straighter: I found that a lot of my support team would tell me to ‘be strong’. Each time someone said this to me I would find myself rising a bit with anger. I couldn’t understand why they were telling me to be strong when all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and sob.
By the hundredth time this comment triggered me, I decided I had to explore and be curious about WHY it was making me so angry. My support team meant no harm by offering these 2 words. The problem came from how I was interpreting them; the meaning that I put on them.
During my detective work, I realized that ‘being strong’ to me has always meant being stoic. Don’t cry, don’t break down, don’t show emotions, pull your socks up, suck it up, numb out, get over it, and move the f*ck on. That is the meaning that I have put on ‘being strong’ my entire life, which has not allowed me to be in touch with my true emotions or my authentic self at all.
What do I want strength to mean to me? How do I want to show up in my own strength? Who do I want to be within my strength?
These were questions that I wanted answers to.
Over a short period of time I realized there was great strength in tears, taking the time to sleep and heal, in asking for help, and in being vulnerable. There is a great strength when being in tune with your true needs.
When I’m vulnerable, I see and feel the strength in that. I can see the connection that I create with myself and with others. I can be more of my authentic self and what a relief!
Now, when another person hugs me and says ‘be strong’ I say thank you! Thank you for giving me permission to be my authentic Self.
Strength comes in many different forms, and can look different to each one of us. You get to choose what it means to you. So, be curious about it. Ask yourself questions. There is no right or wrong, but what matters most is what’s authentic to you.
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore-Armstrong, founder of Path of Tranquility Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide.