I am so excited to write the first part of my blog series on self-acceptance and women. There are many areas where women struggle with self-acceptance, and I’m hoping that this first one hits home with you, because it’s something that most, if not all women face. So, without further ado please let me introduce you to our topic of self-acceptance and women…. wait for it… wait for it….. body image! Yay!
Body image is the way we perceive our bodies and the way we assume other’s perceive our bodies.
Body image has turned into a huge epidemic in today’s society. Media, family, friends and social pressures have all of us looking at ourselves through a microscope only to discover that we may not be perfect. Gasp!!! When we look in the mirror, we tend to focus on the aspects of ourselves that we don’t like. And as humans, when there’s a problem we try to find a solution.
We turn to different ways to improve our skin, wrinkles, eliminate cankles and cellulite to name a few. We go to extreme measures to lose weight, change the colour of our hair, eyes, lips and even skin. We’re looking for love in all the wrong places.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with improvement. I feel there are some great tools out there to help a person live a healthy lifestyle, but when you add to that a poor body image, it becomes a recipe for disaster.
We have this idea that beauty sells and the way to approval is by being beautiful. But what is beauty? They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which really is a true statement. What one person thinks/feels is beautiful is different from the next. But what do you think is beautiful?
Do you look at another woman and think- UGH, I’d kill for those legs? Do you instantly despise a fellow female for being thin and beautiful, throwing her judgments about being a snob or a ‘skinny bitch’ (all with your inside voice of course)? Do you want to scratch the eyes out of the woman that measures in at 36-24-36?
When we have those thoughts what we’re really saying is ‘I deny those things in myself’, What I have is not good enough. There’s nothing wrong with admiring beauty in another, but when it makes you feel small, constricted and/or icky, there’s something else going on. That my friends, is lack of self-acceptance.
Trust me- I’m with you here: for most of my life I’ve struggled with my body image and there are days when I still do. But, I have come to realize that denying what my body is in-the-present is only causing me suffering. Maybe you can relate to this somehow: I used to plan holidays and then try my best to diet and exercise my way to a better self-image.
I would have this vision of being skinny, toned and, therefore, beautiful. And guess what- it would never happen. That vision would never come to fruition, mostly because I don’t have 4 hours a day to workout. I have a real job, a real life with real commitments. And I like wine. 🙂
But it would never fail, every time we planned on taking a trip somewhere that required bathing suits I would start to panic. I thought it was because I had a limited time to create a new body, but what was happening is I was denying who I truly was, and that felt like crap.
This year my husband and I planned a holiday to Arizona, and I started the same pattern: I had this vision of a ;skinnier me’ holidaying. As soon as I started this thought process I fully realized it felt so constricting. Every time I saw that vision of a ‘thinner version of myself’ I felt my breath shorten, and my chest tighten.
Then one day I finally had enough, and I said ‘Stop! This is who I am! This is who I am right now, and I am ok with that.’
I cannot tell you the weight that was lifted at that moment. Years and years of beliefs and judgments were just shredded. I felt like I could breathe again. Instead of denying who I was at that moment I accepted myself for what I looked like. Flaws, flab and all! Ooh- writing that was a really vulnerable moment for me.
I wasn’t ‘settling’ for who I was, rather I was accepting my body image and truly being ok with it. I was so sick and tired of trying to be something or someone I wasn’t. I just wanted to be ok with being me. I finally gave myself permission to be me, and you know what? I was so way more relaxed on this holiday. Rather than spending every minute obsessing over how I looked, it was spent enjoying the sun, the space, my husband and my Self.
Having a poor body image can really make or break your happiness. When you don’t have self-acceptance, you tend to tolerate so much self-negativity and therefor aren’t really living to your full potential. It’s ok to want changes, but there has to be a level of loving self-acceptance first. Otherwise, you could be a Victoria Secret model and still have a really bad self image. Seriously!
So, I say shove the media, social pressures, judgments from others out the door and slam it shut! I say take a stand against self-rating, and remain sensitive yet assertive in your level of self-acceptance of your body image. I say lovingly accept yourself and all of your imperfections. Doesn’t that sound better than wanting to scratch someone else’s eyes out?
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore-Armstrong, founder of Path of Tranquility Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide. Arianne is also the founder of the Ultimate Belief Breakthrough Methodâ„¢