What a crazy title hey? Authentic Self and eating humble pie?! You might be thinking I’m totally off my rocker with this one, but I promise it’ll all come together after you’re finished reading.
Last week I wrote about the challenges I’ve been facing and how I’ve really chosen to change my own habits and patterns Screen Shot 2014-05-30 at 5.02.18 PMso that I can have huge moments of growth through adversity. I’m calling them my MGA’s! As promised I am going to share some more of those moments with you. This one is a doozy and brought me to my knees!
The beauty of our life does not come without it’s fair share of challenges. Even though I am a life coach for women- helping them live the life that they deserve and want to live, I face challenges of my own. Even as a professional I don’t always have the answers, and that’s really hard to admit publicly. I have all of these great and amazing tools to help my clients move through obstacles, but never in my life did I think I’d be smacked in the face with one of my biggest obstacles to date. This was a HUGE lesson for me and it was quite painful- but the results have led to a more confident and peaceful, authentic-Me.
I have done my best to allow my authentic Self to shine at every moment, but I really had no idea that even in moments when I felt I was being authentic – perhaps I wasn’t.
So, this is my story:
When something isn’t working in my life- I make change. My goal is to live a truly happy life, and I thought I was! So what’s the problem you might ask? Until recently I discovered that I was, in many moments, looking at others to make me happy. I was putting expectations on situations and people to create this feeling of true inner happiness within myself. In the past when I haven’t felt happy I have looked outside of myself to create happiness. I would then blame others (my most loved and closest) and ask them to make changes in order for me to be satisfied and ok with my life. I would expect them to change who THEY were in order for me to feel content and ok.
Instead of my own happiness being created I was driving a wedge in between me and the ones that I loved. I was putting conditions on the relationship and in turn- completely alienating myself. I figured I had a right to ask others to make changes when in fact- it’s none of my business! They can act and be who they want and need to be!
When I put an expectation on a relationship and the person can’t meet it, I would get disappointed, angry, sad. I would then put further expectations on it, which in turn would drive separation between us rather than a sense of closeness.
During my time of Soul searching and Self reflection I had the realization of what I was doing- I felt shameful, humiliated and disgusted with myself. I even went through an entire week where I couldn’t stand being in my own skin. I was depressed and I could barely get out of bed. I couldn’t talk to anyone because I felt this deep sense of sadness and regret. How could I have done this to the people that I love? I felt as though I had treated some of them so poorly. I was petrified that there was no going back and I was truly scared of losing my relationships. This was a really harsh reality for me.
In hindsight I was always a little lonely. I never felt whole and complete and I couldn’t understand why. I have all of these amazing, supportive and awesome friends and family members, but I just couldn’t hit the peak of the mountain which is called happiness.
So, where do I go from here? Well, this is where I decided to eat some humble pie. The only way to move forward through this was to own what I had done. I decided in that moment to never ask someone else to change for me, because that is SO not authentic! I also decided to humbly apologize to anyone that I felt the need to. This wasn’t easy for me – to sit in front of my most beloved’s and say ‘I’m sorry- I was wrong, please forgive me’.
But let me share what happened after this- I felt like I shed a thick layer of that onion! I felt like I had regained this new skin that was so warm, so nurturing, and oh- so authentic! Once I was able to let go of my old thinking I literally rose to meet my ‘old’ Self. The Self that was already inside just waiting for me to awaken!
Now, I am able to take a deep breathe and feel as though I’m not still drowning. I recognize that when something doesn’t ‘feel right’ it’s my job, and only mine to make changes. This has been the biggest sense of empowerment that I have ever felt.
So 2 things here:
First: If you’re looking at others to make you happy, and I mean the inner happiness that vomits sunshine- than you might be barking up the wrong tree, much like myself. Stop and ask what needs to shift within to create this happiness. What do you need to do for yourself? Ask a Higher Power for guidance then listen!
Second: Own your mistakes! It’s ok to know and say ‘I’m wrong, I’m sorry, Please forgive me ‘etc. There’s something so empowering and humble about this act that you will be thankful for it!
It’s more than ok to eat humble pie once in a while- because afterwards you reap the benefits of tasting each and every step forward with the full capacity of your OWN tastebuds!
Stay tuned for my next piece of writing which will be on CHOICES!!! OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore-Armstrong, founder of Path of Tranquility Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide. Arianne is also the founder of the Ultimate Belief Breakthrough Method™