Here comes the bride…. and her authentic Self.
I’ve just recently become engaged to the man of my dreams, my best friend, and my Soul Mate (this IS just one person I’m talking about…. and he IS a real, breathing person, I can assure you).
This is a time that is so exciting for us and we couldn’t be happier. I cannot wait to walk down the aisle to become his wife. My authentic Self shines when thinking of our future together.
But this wasn’t always the case- let me explain:
Natural progression of most relationships is to one day get married, have a family etc etc. Well, my fiancé and I have been together for quite some time, and at times I would wonder at the natural progression of our relationship: Would we get married? Do I want to get married? Does he even want to marry me?
Well that last question sparked an overpowering amount of triggers. At one point in our relationship I thought he was going to ask me to marry him, and when he didn’t I went into a tailspin of darkness- feelings of unworthiness, sadness and failure.
I knew these feelings all too well. In fact, they had frequent flyer miles and came to visit often, and when least expected… kinda like relatives that come to visit and overstay their welcome (but NOT like any of my relatives!).
Except these visitors, the feelings,-I couldn’t hide from them, they were everywhere and followed me into my dreams every night, and reminded me every morning upon waking that they.. were… still… THERE!
I started asking myself “What’s wrong with me? Why am I so unlovable? Will anybody ever love me? Why doesn’t he want to marry me?” I couldn’t understand where these thoughts & feelings were coming from at first.
So I decided to stare these feelings in the face, and what came up was sad and scary.
When I was younger, it was said to me many times that I was ” Not good enough, I was stupid, ugly & fat, and no man would ever marry me’. So, it’s no wonder that these questions and feelings were being triggered surrounding a possible marriage.
I was telling myself ‘if this man doesn’t ask me to marry him, then those words spoken to me years ago must be true’.
My authentic Self was being stifled by these limiting beliefs that were created when I was so young.
I started to get extremely stressed out and overwhelmed with the thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing, so then I tried my best to control! Oh- the control!
I started to push and push, asking my (then) boyfriend such things like: ‘When are we going to get married- are we going to get married?’ (Apparently this is NOT attractive to a man at all!)
It totally felt like I was going against the grain when I was in ‘control mode’. Insecurities, limiting beliefs, and fear are not my natural state of being (it’s truly not anyone’s natural state).
I realized at one point that I was so unhappy and it wasn’t because of the lack of engagement to be married. I was so busy being fearful and stressed out about this situation that I was creating an abundance of unhappiness in the relationship, for both of us.
So, one day I sat down, and told my thoughts to shut up (I think I actually used the f-bomb at this point, but I choose not to in my blog…today) and I started to listen to my heart.
That’s where my authentic Self was sitting with open arms waiting to nurture me back from the depths of darkness and chaos. I chose to overcome fears that were sitting so deep within me.
I realized that I was hoping that marriage would fix something that was broken inside of me from years ago.
It can’t do that, and it wasn’t fair of me to put that pressure onto Daryl (sorry Hon- You’re name is now in my blog!).
I asked myself what felt right, and the answer was to let go of control, let go of the limiting beliefs and recognize them as untrue and most importantly to allow my authentic Self to shine.
So, that brings me to this moment. I am engaged to be married, and now it’s for the right reasons. It’s because we truly can’t wait to make a commitment of love, and a promise to enhance each others’ lives- not validate it.
My authentic Self cannot wait to walk down the aisle…..
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore, founder of Path of Tranquility Life Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide.