Authentic Self, food & fear- I bet you’re asking what those 3 things have in common.
For so many years I have struggled with 2 of the most frustrating things: weight and health issues. Many years ago I started to have issues with food- it seemed that, no matter what I ate, I’d feel ill.
So, I went on this journey to find out what was wrong with me. I had test after test – and nothing showed up, but yet, I was still experiencing the same problems.
Throughout my career as a health & wellness practitioner I’d heard so many different views on food: what was good for you, what was bad for you, and what can kill you.
So, you can only imagine what chaos that started? I unknowingly started to fear food.
It was recommended by different professionals to do cleanse, after cleanse, after cleanse, and to completely eliminate certain foods from my diet to make me feel better.
Well, how much fun is that, sitting across the table from someone when they’re eating a piece of birthday cake and all I’m doing is drooling all over the table. I was like a rabid dog ready to pounce (NOT my finest moment – gotta be honest here!)
And really, it totally sucked. My life started to revolve around what I was going to eat, how it would make me feel, and whether or not it was going to hurt me (& was it going to make me fat)?
So, just this last week, I decided to do a one day fast. I’ve never done one before and wasn’t even sure if I could last a full day without food! But once I leaned into the resistance of the fast and let go of the fear that the fasting would bring- I felt empowered!
The intention behind the fasting was to help me become more aware of my relationship with food.
Well, let me tell you something- the fear that I’d been unknowingly feeling for years knocked on my front door and decided to flash me! I realized that I was SO relieved to NOT have to think about food, but at the same time I realized just how petrified I became of food and eating. It was my harsh and wonderful reality.
If I could understand the relationship that I had with food, it would allow me to overcome my fears and allow my authentic Self to come through. I would not have thought that my relationship with food stifled my authentic Self in any way.
The morning after my fast, I decided that I would eat what I wanted for breakfast rather than what I thought I should have. I ate some ‘Holy Crap’ cereal (seriously, if you don’t know what this is, google it- Totally yummy), cut up dates and almond milk (some of you are gagging right now I know, but it was SO good). I started chewing and was amazed at the explosion of flavour!
I had been missing out on actually tasting my food because I was so busy being fearful of it, that I wouldn’t allow myself to taste it. What a wonderful moment- I actually started weeping (the good kind). I’m actually crying as I write this- hold on, I have to get a tissue…….
……OK- I’m back. Thanks for being patient.
I now have this wonderful journey to embark on: When I let go of fear and allow my authentic Self to come through when thinking of food, I actually find stillness & peace.
I’m sure there’ll be moments where that old pattern of thinking will come in, but I’ll do my best to remind myself that everything is ok & I’ll be ok. That stillness & peace is always there for me to embrace, there’s no limits to it.
The journey to find my authentic Self continues- and it never ceases to amaze me.
PS- as I write this I am drinking some tea- it tastes so good! I am savouring it, Who knew?!!
PPS- I do not recommend that YOU do a fast. I will not take responsibility for anyone fainting, cat fights in the office, or any divorces that may occur should YOU decide to do a fast.
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore, founder of Path of Tranquility Life Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide.