We all have limiting beliefs, this I know for sure we have in common. But is that all?
If you look at each person that lives on this planet I’m sure you’ll also agree with me when I say there are so many differences in each and every one of us; we have different skin colour, we speak different languages, have different body shapes, the list goes on and on. There are so many differences, which is something that society seems to play on but what else do we have in common other than our limiting beliefs?
We all want to love and be loved.
In fact, as Brene Browne writes ‘We are biologically, cognitively, and spiritually wired to love, be loved and to belong. When Screen Shot 2014-10-30 at 1.14.49 PMthose needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick. There are certainly other causes of illness, numbing, and hurt, but the absense of love and belonging will always lead to suffering”
Does that not bring a little tear to your eye? Or a heaviness in your heart? I know it does for me. To know that we suffer due to not loving or being loved is something that can or has affected each and every one of us, and the relationships that we have.
As children we go through so many experiences where our needs might not have been met, and this in turn creates limiting beliefs in our subconscious. Then as adults we have an idea of what love is, what belonging is and feels like, but when those needs aren’t met (due to our own expectations) our limiting beliefs get fired. That’s when we start to numb, fall apart, ache and even hurt others as Brene suggestes. I’ve seen this with my clients and I’ve experienced it in my own world.
When we feel as though our needs aren’t being met in our relationships we start to act in a way that is not-so authentic. Our ego-mind takes over with our limiting beliefs in those moments, and sometimes we find ourselves going a little bat-shit crazy.
Have you ever looked back and thought ‘Wow, what happened to me there? Why did I act so crazy? Who was that crazy Lady?”
This awareness can even be followed by feelings of guilt and shame because we acted on the impulse of our limiting beliefs. If you can relate to what I’m saying you might also relate to feeling icky and gross- because our reactions weren’t authentic
The deal here is that you, and only YOU have control over how you react/act to others and to situations.
One of my biggest realizations years ago (which was also smashed over my head again this past year) is it’s not someone else’s job to make us feel loved. It’s not someone else’s job to make us feel as though we belong. When we look to others to create this within ourselves, what we’re really doing is handing over our power. We’re putting our self worth in the hands of someone who, even though they care and love us, doesn’t always have our best interests at heart. Only we can know what is authentic to us. Only we know what our best interests are and what honours us.
When a limiting belief comes up surrounding love and a sense of belonging, it’s easy for us to go into our habits of numbing, aching, hurting and wounding. But is that any fun? Personally I think it feels like crap and I don’t enjoy it at all. Instead, we can recognize these as moments where we can address our limiting beliefs, recognize them as untrue and choose to allow love in. This in turn will create a sense of belonging and connection with others- which is exactly what we’re all meant and deserve to feel.
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore-Armstrong, founder of Path of Tranquility Coaching for Women, helps clients worldwide. Arianne is also the founder of the Ultimate Belief Breakthrough Method™