‘I miss you, and you’re beside me.’ Words that when I saw them scribbled onto a bench brought back a ton of memories. It made me wonder if the person that wrote on this bench that I now sat upon had felt the same way as I once had. Words packed with emotion, a tightness in the heart and a distance that went beyond measure.
I remember feeling as though there was an ocean between this person and me. We could be standing next to one another, eating together, or even sitting on that damn bench facing the same way and yet there was a distance between us that was undeniable. I missed their heart, their love and the beauty of their Soul and they were within reaching distance. I look back and wonder why I hadn’t said anything in those moments? Why did I feel that missing this person was an option and feeling only the gap was enough? I wonder what would have happened had I told them how much I missed them, that as I sat there with them right beside them, that I missed their heart.
I can honestly say there are many reasons why I didn’t speak up back then. I had no idea what vulnerable conversation was, and I was so scared of being rejected. What if I told someone I missed them and their response wasn’t the same as mine? I had experienced it before, and I wouldn’t allow myself to feel that pain again, so I decided to create a gap. I was the one that put distance between myself and other to feel safe and protected from hurt. I looked at the unseen gaping hole between us and assumed they had put it there. I believed I was missing them due to their actions or lack of connection, and maybe that’s partly true, but looking back I can see how I contributed. I bet that had I dropped into my heart and spoken from a place of vulnerability, the gap between us would have shrunk and we could connect from an authentic place.
These days it’s so much easier for me to tell someone that I miss them. Having seen the pink scribbles on the bench I’ve had the opportunity to reflect and see how far I’ve come. There are still times when communication is hard for me, especially when it’s vulnerable and it feels like there’s a lot to lose, but I’m learning that keeping the words and feelings to myself is almost harder than sharing it. The fear of rejection is still there, but what would happen if I died with the words inside of me? What if my loved ones didn’t know how much I cared about them? Most days, that reality is much harsher and far scarier than the fear of rejection itself.
So, I ask you, what words are in your heart that long to be shared? Can you step into the gap between you and a loved one and invite them into your heart?
“Don’t die with your music still in you”
Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore, life Coaching for Women helps clients worldwide