So, I did this thing. I completed a half-marathon.
And, inside of that thing, I did another thing- I dedicated it to my dad that was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
And, inside of that thing, I did another thing. I decided to be public about my journey and I shared many of the moments; the ups the downs, the sadness, and the joy.
I have often lived very small and stayed hidden. Being seen, letting others see me, drawing attention to myself, has always felt scary.
So, my goal to share myself via social media while training for my half-marathon was NOT easy. It felt super daunting where numerous times I was filled with regret because it felt too scary. So, I was gentle with myself and let myself hide when needed.
The week before the half-marathon, I decided to give it everything that I had by creating a FB group all about me where people could follow me right up to the start and hopefully finish line of the half-marathon. Doing this felt self-indulgent and I worried that others would feel the same which would result in feeling rejected and alone.
But…
What I actually experienced was nothing short of brilliant love; I was showered with the biggest, most badass unconditional love bombs. As soon as I made myself vulnerable, the people showed up, and the love flowed.
This experience of showing up, letting others get to know me during one of the hardest times in my life has changed me. I’m still processing much of what happened, but what I know is that love is available to me if I open up to it. I now FEEL and EMBODY the love and support that others WANT to extend to me. And most of all, I now feel and embody that I am deserving of such love and support.
As I breathe into all of this, I have tears of deep gratitude. I now have something living inside of me that wasn’t there before. Something has shifted and will forever be there. This experience gifted me more than I ever could have imagined. And I am so grateful that I pushed through my fears and let myself be seen and known while navigating a half-marathon and the grief and sadness of soon losing my dad to cancer.
So yeah, I did a thing. And that thing forever changed me.