There’s this song. The first time I heard it, I wept. This song, anytime I hear it now it makes me stop; I stop doing, thinking, I even hold my breath, so for a few moments I even stop breathing. In those few minutes that this song plays the lyrics pull me out of whatever I’m doing because it reminds me of my simple, raw and beautiful truth.
The first line usually makes me put a hand to my heart. It’s as though someone is looking directly into my soul- a place where I feel seen and heard.
Maybe I’ve done enough
Over the past four years, I’ve come to understand my constant need to do rather than be. I’ll have an idea or set a goal, hustle my way to get everything done piling as much on my plate as possible, and yet, to my standards nothing I ever do is enough. I have accomplished a lot in my forty-one years, and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve let myself and others celebrate those accomplishments. I have believed that if I work hard enough, others will see me as worthy, worthy of taking up this life, worthy of love, worthy of the oxygen that I breathe, worthy of taking up space… the list goes on and on. I’ve had this paralyzing fear that if someone were to see me as unworthy, then I would lose everything, every person, and every relationship, which felt like death to me. The above lyrics ‘Maybe I’ve done enough’ reminds me that all of the doing, thinking, and hustling through life can stop. I’ve done enough; there’s no need to wear my mask anymore. I have worn out what doesn’t work, and I can just be in a place where I am loved regardless of what I do and/or accomplish.
For the first time I see an image of my brokenness utterly worthy of love
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel broken and as a result feeling fearful that others would see my brokenness realizing I wasn’t worthy of love. Again, I would mask my brokenness with whatever would work, even if it meant abandoning every part of myself. I’ve recently started to embrace the knowing that I am worthy of love in those broken places- that I don’t have to be whole and complete to receive love and I can see that I am worthy of love even because of my brokenness.
I finally see myself through the eyes of no one else. It’s so exhausting on this silver screen where I play a role of anyone but me
I can’t tell you how exhausting it is to not be me! I have spent the majority of my life trying to figure out where I fit in, where I belong, where I’m loved, and by doing so losing myself in the process. Through hard work- so hard where there were days when dying felt like a better option, I have finally started to see myself through the eyes of love and innocence. I have started (some days more than others) to see myself as a beautiful living breathing soul that deserves to be here, not needing to adapt to others, their needs or wants, but rather, counting myself in and perhaps seeing myself as others might see me: I am deeply loved by my tribe, and I can finally see why!
To me, this song speaks of empowered living.
Your story might not be the same as mine, but I wonder if there’s something that might feel familiar. Are you wearing a mask, trying to hide your brokenness. Feeling unworthy? Not good enough? If so, let me tell you this, regardless of where you are on your journey in life, I’m guessing the lyrics of this song will speak to some part of you. Maybe that inner child that is longing for love, belonging, nurturing or kindness. If so, I want you to do something for yourself right now. I want you to turn the volume up on whatever device you’re reading this on, open your heart, hit the play button on the video below, close your eyes and listen to the lyrics; let them find the truth in your soul. Lean into that truth and start living from there. You are enough!
Life coaching for women. Calgary Canada Life Coach Arianne Moore helps clients worldwide.